Sunday, February 8, 2009

It's my fault?!

Friday morning we had a melt down at school. Actually, it started before school. Deklan did not want to get on the bus. It started when he looked at the lunch menu. He realized that we have school Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday this coming week. We're out Thursday and Friday for Parent/Teacher conferences and then again Monday for President's Day/Teacher inservice day. He was upset because he understood that he was not having school at all this week. Then he told me that he had a hard time keeping up with the spelling tests. The teacher says the word then uses the word in a sentence. He has a hard time once she repeats the sentence. That was his excuse anyway. So - remember the "great" special ed teacher that said I should call her when bringing Deklan into school? (Refer to Rant, I mean post, on January 14.) Well I made it perfectly clear to Deklan that he was going to school. Before we left I put Deklan in the van and called the school. Told them I needed the special ed teacher or another teacher to meet me at the door - I was bringing Deklan to school but I was not bringing Deklan IN school. The special ed teacher wasn't found - apparently not available before school? Anyway, his regular teacher and the principal met us at the door. I literally had to pull Deklan out of the van and pass him over to the principal, who carried him into the office. I know some of you are thinking how cruel I am. Actually I don't think of it as cruel. Deklan has to realize that there are rules. One being school is not an option - you go unless you're on your deathbed. Ok, slight exaggeration on that but you get the point. Anyway, I also had signed up to help at the book fair Friday morning - Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday also. However, I'm smarter than I look - I did not tell Deklan I would be at his school. The melt down happened anyway. This is the school that says they NEVER have a problem with Deklan. Oh yeah? Well, apparently it's my fault that he had such a huge melt down on Friday that I was asked to come help at the book fair after school. To which I said NO. Anyway, I'll let you read the correspondence from the school and my replies. See below:

Just wanted to touch base with you about Deklan. He is calmed down and doing his work, but it took a little bit of effort to get him calm enough to work. In light of this, we were wondering if you would maybe be able to switch times that you're helping with the Book Fair. I have talked to Mrs. Mitchell and she said that it would be fine if you wanted to come work after school. We thought this would probably prevent Deklan having any more meltdowns. Let me know if this is alright with you!

K-2 IR Teacher

I understand your concern. However, as far as I know, Deklan is not aware that I was in the building this morning. Nor is he aware that I intend on helping next week in the library. Unless someone from staff mentioned it to him, he believes that I left him when Mr. Bastian carried him into the school. The meltdown this morning is NOT my fault. I brought him to school because he refused to get on the bus. He said that someone told him he did not have school next week - misunderstanding that he does not have school only Thursday and Friday, I'm sure. He also stated that he didn't want to go to school because he couldn't keep up with his spelling words. I've already mentioned both to Mrs. McFarland this morning. As for the library next week... I have two other children besides Deklan and I feel that working after school is not an option. The reason I volunteered to work the mornings is so that I would not have one or more of my children wandering around and asking for a million things that I can't get them. I am not volunteering to get a book either. I have lots of time that I put into the Middle School, being president of the Parent Brigade there. I have time that I'm putting into (Hayleigh's school) for the Fun Night on the 21st. This was my first opportunity to help outside the classroom at (Deklan's school). If you would like me not to be in the building then please let Mrs. Mitchell know that, as much as I would love to help, she can take me off the volunteer list. If you would still like for me to help, I'd be happy to and I'll be there Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday a few minutes after 8.
Thank you for the response. We welcome you in the building but if you have to bring him on either Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday because he will not get on the bus then we will have to look at another option for Deklan that day. If he gets on the bus with no problem and is unaware that you are in the building then all should be fine.
Mr. Bastian,
I think I must be confused. His meltdown had nothing to do with me being in the building. He thought I left - that's why I asked for Mrs. McFarland to meet me at the door. Please explain to me your thoughts regarding another option for Deklan if he doesn't get on the bus next week. I don't understand.
I guess my issue is that it took three people and a total of 45 minutes to calm him down. I understand that he was upset and hopefully this is an isolated incident but if we are unable to get him calmed down next week and you are in the building, it will be my suggestion that he goes home for the day so that it does not disturb the learning of others and takes time out of peoples schedules that have classes to cover, etc. Hopefully this is clear as I must look out for the interest of all 440 students here as well as Deklan.
Mr. Bastian


I couldn't even reply to the last post because I was so upset. Take him home??? Is that really an option? Let's see, I had a melt down at school yesterday and mom took me home. Maybe if I do it again mom will take me home again. Hey this is pretty cool! Right - not going to happen. They're supposed to be prepared. Apparently the principal forwarded the emails the OT who called me on Friday afternoon. I told her I did not like being blamed for the melt down - it was not my fault. She said that the school needed to have a plan in place and know how to deal with situations like this. You think?! Anyway, she was very nice to me on the phone - we worked some issues out. We agreed that I would still help at the book fair in the mornings as planned, but I will come in about 1/2 an hour later than originally planned. That should give Deklan plenty of time to transition from the bus to the classroom. Assuming of course that he's on the bus. I am still extremely ticked off at the principal. I just hope I don't have to talk to him directly tomorrow because I don't think I'll be very nice.


mommy~dearest said...

Dammit!!!! My comments keep getting erased!

In a nutshell, I've been through this and have learned a lot in the crappiness.

What you need to know is:
Yes, the school needs to have a plan in place. Call a meeting with the school to implement a BIP (Behavior Intervention Plan), that addresses this issue. Make it known that calling you to pick Deklan up is NOT an option.

In the meantime, know that the school is allowed to suspend a kid for a maximum of 10 days per school year, for any reason. Sucks? Yes. But it's legal.

What you need to realize is that these days do not have to be consecutive, and if they call you to come get Deklan and you comply, it counts as a day. A full day. If school starts at 8am and they call you at 8:15, it's a full day. Once the school has maxed out the 10 day rule, they'd better have something in place because they're going to be in violation of the law, and they wouldn't want to do that, would they? I mean, they have to have a manifestation determination meeting and all this other super time consuming stuff... ;)

So. Get a meeting, and keep track of days. Then, if they're still being buttmunches, you'll really get to play hardball with the law on your side.

3 staff and 45 minutes to calm Deklan down? That's all? Let me send my kid to his school- he'll really show them what meltdowns can be like. ;)


Marshella said...