Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I am a HORRIBLE person!

There, I said it. Have you ever thought that you really don't want to be a mommy anymore? I love my kids more than anything, but sometimes the Autism (Deklan), the ADHD (Dakota), and the jealousy (Hayleigh) are just more than I can handle. So today I took the day off from being the mommy.

The last two nights both of my girls had sleepovers away from home. Deklan has been horrible to get to bed. Actually he was fine getting to bed - as long as it was my bed. I have to move him to a different bed in order for me to sleep. Right now he happens to be sleeping on the spare bed in my daughters' room. I put him to bed and he said he was thirsty. I got him something to drink but it wasn't right. Then it was right but he wasn't thirsty anymore. Then he was scared. Then he was... Last night I actually slept with him for nearly an hour - long enough to make sure he was really asleep. I already have a sleeping disorder and he is making me so frustrated. I was diagnosed with Circadian rythem sleep disorder last year. Basically, it's kind of like my internal clock is mixed up. Since I have kids home I can't sleep during the day all day. Sometimes I'm able to get in a nap. Anyway, when I do get sleepy I need to sleep right then, otherwise it's like I miss my opportunity and I become too tired to sleep. His night time fits have really irritated me. Not just at night either. All his fits are beginning to get to me. And he's started having accidents in his pants again. That really bothers me - he'll be 6 in a month and he'll start 1st grade before that.

Anyway, this afternoon I decided I was taking the day off from being a mommy. I told Deklan that I was not a mommy today. I told him that he could ask daddy for whatever he needed. He thought that was kind of funny. Later I told him to do something then said, "Well, if I were a mommy today I would tell you to do that."
He said, "Yeah, but you're not being a mommy today remember."

So am I the only person who ever just wanted to take a day off from their regular life?


mommy~dearest said...

We've been there- although that is a great idea to "not be Mommy for the day"...I'm going to have to try that one.

Jaysen was going through the same things not too long ago- even the incontinence, and he was in 1st grade. It sounds like stress to me. Deklan may be stressed out or anxious about something. School was stressing Jaysen out, although I never did figure out exactly which part. I just know that once the environment changed, he stopped having the accidents, and was more rational to deal with.

I never thought I'd get to sleep in my own bed- but he falls asleep in his own room (at the age of 6) now, with the TV on. Yes, I let him watch TV to go to bed. People that wanna judge can try to cram their a**es into my kid's twin bed with him and 57 video tapes. ;)

I hope things get better soon, and you're able to get things back in the groove!

Bobbi said...

You arn't a horrible person. We all have days like that! Some days I look forward to being sick so I can get a break.