This was an email I sent to a good friend of mine earlier today. I thought others might get a kick out of my delimma so I'm sharing with my blog friends.

Hi!

I just wanted to share my frustrating experience with you because I know you can relate. I had to hire an assistant for our next event. It's the fall festival - this year is our 50th, so it's really big... in fact, it's normally the biggest event the chamber puts on through out the year. Anyway, the board really felt I needed an assistant - someone to answer phones and do basic computer stuff so that I could be out and about asking for sponsorships for the festival, etc.

So... me being the procrastinator that I am, was reluctant to put out a help wanted sign. I got a call from a lady that said that she heard from one of our board members I was hiring and could she come in for an interview. We got along really well on the phone so, you know what the heck, why not? We had scheduled for Monday morning at 9:00 a.m. Here's where I should have known better - she called at 8:39 to say she couldn't remember when the interview was because she wrote down Tuesday but was it really Monday? Yes, I should have said good bye but I just needed someone to do mundane office stuff while I was away. It's 4 hours a day at $8 an hour - I'm not going to get superwoman anyway. I rescheduled for Tuesday morning (I was in the middle of some computer work anyway so I didn't really care). She came in at 9 the next morning and we clicked well - she's very personable (great for the phones). I had already talked to my board president and said that honestly if we clicked as well in person as we did on the phone then I was going to hire her, which I did. She actually was ready to start, should she get the position, immediately. So I hired her and she started Tuesday. I showed her some basic things on the computer - nothing major (as least I didn't think so).

I have sponsors for my event. I put the sponsors names up on the front window of my office. I had a file that had already been started - Publisher with 17 pages already done. I decided since she was going to be in the office she could do the window sponsors - and they were mostly done anyway. The only thing she needed to do was change the page setup to legal landscape, stretch the border and the text box to reach the now longer width, and add an address/phone number for the sponsor. How hard could it be? Hahahaha! She worked on it for part of the day Wednesday. I actually left her alone for a couple hours on Thursday and by 2 p.m. Thursday afternoon not one was ready to be printed! That's right - not one! After she left, I went into the file and cleaned up everything and got all the borders and text boxes arranged properly so it won't even take that much time to finish them.

But, what was great was... when we were getting to know each other we talked about our kids, etc. The next day she couldn't even remember how many kids I have. And she came dragging in a couple minutes after 10 (hours are 10-2) with a pillow. She had "fallen" down her steps and had just come from the ER having an x-ray done - nothing broken but it sure feels like it. Whatever... she used the pillow to sit on and then moved like molasses the rest of the day when getting up and down. And she was shoving in tylenol and ibuprofen like it was lifesavers. Then she tells me I have to run and get my mobi (whatever the heck that is!) and I'll be back in 10 minutes or so. Excuse me? The only person who should be leaving is me - that's why we hired you. But I didn't say that... actually what I thought was, did she really just leave? Turns out it was ok because I got a call the minute she left from a friend... "Girl, I hate to gossip but I wish you would have called me before you hired her!" Uh oh! It's all good - she's a very nice person (confirmed by my phone friend) who may have a prescription drug problem (speculated by phone friend and myself before I ever got the call!) who happens to have some drama issues (no kidding!), but is very personable and will do great on the phones!. Thanks, friend - I wish I would have called you first too! Lol

Anyway, the next day (Thursday), I'm in the office early for an appointment - actually three before 10 a.m. So the phones decided to go crazy during my meetings and we don't have voice mail, we have an answering machine. So, I get two calls (or maybe three) between 9:57 and 10:08 a.m. They all have to go to the answering machine - which I can hear because it's the old fashioned kind. But I am determined to concentrate on fireworks guys that are here discussing firework set up for the festival, when I am surprised that the second caller is my new hire. I ignored the call and as soon as the guys left (10:15 ish) I go check the answering machine. "I know I'm late - I can't find my keys anywhere! I've been looking and as soon as I find them I'll be right there!" Frustration builds up... but whatever... it's only a month (8 weeks at the longest) and it's $8 frickin dollars an hour so what can I really expect?? Well being on time would be nice but maybe I'm setting my expectations too high! So then she comes in - "I'm so sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my keys and I'm still moving slow from the fall... etc." I'm like fine here's where we are right now... I'm going to leave for a couple of hours so you can work on the window sponsors without me needing the computer. I go to make several stops and realize I forgot one of the forms I need so I swing by the office to pick it up and she's on a personal call. I don't mind personal calls -if it's not interrupting work, I can multi-task but not sure she can. She hurries up and gets off the phone and "oh blah, blah, my cousin, blah..." not really sure because I tuned her out. I left again and stayed away for awhile. I get back a little after 2 and she's not done with any of her stuff. "I'm not a time clock cow - I'll just be another minute but I don't just look at the time clock and try to milk the time or anything." Lady, you came in nearly 20 minutes late - you can stay until 2:20 and get the work done. I know you're no time clock cow because I have to approve your time sheet before you get paid!

Anyway, now we're on Friday... I decided to have her do something else. Something that I didn't realize was brain surgery but apparently it was. We have a website for our chamber (www.vckschamber.com by the way) that I and another chamber member take care of. Anyway, we needed to update the member directory. I told her to make a list of the companies that were on the website... compare that list to my notebook with current members... if they are in the book but NOT on the computer then they need to be added. I gave her last year's list to get the information from if it wasn't listed in the notebook (basically just a reference book). I went over the instructions with her - she wrote them down - I asked if she had any questions (I spent over 20 minutes walking through the instructions and having her do the steps), then I gave her my cell number (again) and left.

Now, I'm a horrible person because I got finished early but dreaded going back to the office so I stopped at Wendy's and went inside to have lunch and read my library book for awhile. My mistake... I was there only about 1/2 hour and got at least two calls from her with questions about the web stuff. I went back to the office to see what I needed to help her with. OMG! she was totally doing it wrong. She had abandoned both the list and the notebook and was using last year's reference guide to enter ALL the companies into the computer. NO! Some of those people are NOT members this year and do not go on the site! How hard is it! - I gave you specific instructions, which you wrote down!! Ok, so I didn't actually say that but I wanted to and, after a few deep breaths, I asked her where her instructions were that she wrote down. I am not joking this is what she said, "What instructions?? I didn't write any down before you left. You just said make the list - I'm not even sure what the list is for - and to enter the companies in the site." I kid you not - those were her words!! I said, "No, you wrote down the instructions. Where is your paper from this morning?" "I don't know - I didn't have a paper this morning." OMG Again!!! Ok, deep breath. We need the list because we need to compare it to the notebook, we need to enter the companies that are members but not on the list into the computer. "So, what's the list for?" "Where's your paper from this morning???!!" I found her paper - folded in half and stuck with some other stuff. "See, here's your instructions from this morning." "No, that's just the steps I need to take to get into the website." I, unfolding the paper, point to the bottom and say right there! you have them listed #1 Make a list from the computer. #2 Compare to the notebook. #3 If in the notebook but not on the list add them to the computer. "Yes, but why do I need to make a list from the website? I have a members list that you already gave me (an excel program with our members on them for her reference if she gets calls for the members)." Seriously???!!

So, after she left I went through the list on the computer and cleaned up the ones that needed more information and were put in wrong. Then I deleted the two companies that weren't supposed to be on the computer at all. And I am so frustrated!!

The point was.. I hate having an assistant!! Lol. Yes, I know you are probably laughing and that's fine - I'm kind of chuckling too - at least until Monday morning! You know, this is kind of humorous.. I may just copy this straight to my blog later and let everyone get a kick out of it.

Ok so I was going to email this to you yesterday but had to stop to run errands and then never got back onto the computer. But you'll never guess how today went... Wonderful! Because she called in sick!! Yes, less than one full week and she called in sick! Yes, I hate having an assistant!